So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
