First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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