You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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