What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
