Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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