I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
