So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
