Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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