thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
