The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
