Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
