textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
