Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
