Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
