dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
