the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize