looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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