The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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