you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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