Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
