life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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