The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
