I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
