Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize