It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
