I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
