FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
