we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
