i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize