The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
