the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
