please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
