ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
