I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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