she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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