guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
