Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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