so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
