I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My nipple is on Facebook.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
