if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize