been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
