i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
