goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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