Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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