genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
