Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize