I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
