What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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