Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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