Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
