He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
