Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
