I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
