Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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