it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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