Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
