Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
