so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
