i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
