Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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