Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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