i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you win again, gameday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
