i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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