tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
