so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
