just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
