Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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