she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize